i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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