Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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