I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
