I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
