I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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