it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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