I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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