My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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