Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
