he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
