i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
