i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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