i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
