You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
