Can i not drive my cunt home
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
