Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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