3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
