omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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