How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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