I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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