When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
