Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
