We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
