last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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