And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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