i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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