I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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