Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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