There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
