Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i dont even know how to be here
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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