I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
