cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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