oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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