kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
