Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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