My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
