Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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