It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
