I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
