So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
