also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
