woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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