If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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