I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
