I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
