ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
