I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
