I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
