I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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