you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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