Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
