He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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