Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
