Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
