We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
