I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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