I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize