Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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