My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize