i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
