I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
