she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
