you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize