he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
