gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
