I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
