he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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