Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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