After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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