Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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