dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
