alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize