I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like iHOP with fire
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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