I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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