he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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