Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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