the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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