i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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