I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
