Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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