I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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